Between a Rock and a Hard Place

I decided to update my website tonight and possibly change the theme I was using. Unfortunately, I did what I usually do in life and leapt before I looked, leaving me between a rock and a hard place – figuratively speaking. For those of you who don’t know how WordPress works, once you apply a theme to your website, WordPress doesn’t tell you what theme you were using previously, and of course, I forgot to look because I was so excited for the new theme I’d found.

Unfortunately, the new theme turned out not to be as great as its preview and that’s when the “rock” came in. Almost two seconds later, I realized that I’d forgotten which theme I was using before to make a quick fix since it was already past 1am, and so ensued the “hard place.”

Two and a half hours later, I think I’ve finally settled on this theme, called “Sela.” I’ve decided to put in here just in case I forget it the next time I decide to make spur of the moment, drastic changes.

However, tonight’s take away lesson isn’t what I expected it to be. Rather, I think that when evaluating the course of my life and all the moments when I’ve found myself in these rock and hard place situations, I’ve always found myself not only enduring, but growing in ways I didn’t anticipate. Therefore, once the rush of panic passed, and I realized that despite my poor timing, being that it’s almost 4am now, I actually did a good thing in changing things up.

My website is always a work in progress, since I’m the only one who works on it and I’m always tinkering with it and trying to make it look better and more professional. However, once I settle on a theme, at the very least, I always hope I’ve made it pretty.

My Top 10 Dream Jobs

In no particular order, here’s a list of my top 10 dream jobs.

1. An Author – I can’t help it. I love to write and I just can’t seem to fit myself into any particular niche. One minute I’m writing a romantic comedy and the next, I’m working on a mystery. Whether its poetry, prose or screenplays, all that matters are the words and the story.

2. Free Lance Travel Writer & Photographer – I’ve always wanted to travel around the world to the most exotic and unknown places and capture them with my writing and photography.

3. International Food Critic – I love food that invigorates my taste buds. Just no bugs, squid or other weird things.

4. Actress – Someone doesn’t win 4th runner up out of 4,000 hopefuls in an acting competition in New York City unless they’re good. I love acting and pretending to be someone I’m not. It’s like writing, only there’s a greater rate of instant gratification.

6. Country Music Star – Music is in my heart and if I could carry a tune, I’d take it all the way to the Nashville stage.

7. Cowgirl – Gimme a wide open ranch with horses, dogs, sheep and birds and I’ll show you what a slice of Heaven on Earth really looks like.

8. Radio DJ – I’ve actually already done this job back in college. But it would be fun to do it again, to a real audience of listeners.

9. Dolphin Trainer – I know that Sea World is a cruel place, but I’d give anything to be able to have a special bond with a dolphin. They are truly magical creatures and deserve our attention and respect.

10. Island keeper – The idea of having my own island to explore sounds euphoric and liberating, but then I think about the bugs, dirt and possible lack of fresh water and I hesitate, but only for a moment.

The Hidden Power of Forgiveness

The last few weeks, I have learned a lot about forgiveness; both about the power behind it and the resolution and sense of calm achieved when it is granted. I have learned that some people are too weak to offer it, while others are too stubborn to even consider it. I have learned that there are people in the world who would rather suffer and watch others suffer despite their power to stop the suffering. I have watched people I thought I knew take small incidents and allow them to grow into wedges the size of craters.

I have also watched others who have forgiven everything, and are still led to suffer, to fall, to beg for their very existence. To them, the offering of forgiveness flows out with every breath. They hold nothing back, they have no strength to carry the weight of the burdens of others. It is enough that they must carry their own.

And, through it all, I am finally at peace with my decision. Forgiveness does not come from a place of weakness, but rather from a place of incredible strength. Because sometimes  a mouse can carry a boulder, but only a superhero can let it go. We often make the mistake that the more boulders we have, the taller we stand. But in reality, these boulders sit not beneath our feet, but directly on our shoulders, making us hunched over and less able to move ahead.

And even though I’m considered relatively young, I don’t know how much time I have left on this earth or how it will be spent. But I would like to make a promise to forgive those who have scorned me in the past and those who will hurt me in the future. One may question if that is the right thing to do or how I know that these people are deserving of my forgiveness. To this I say, it is not my choice to be their judge, jury or executioner. I am simply one person, one soul, and in all the power and all the strength that I carry within me, all I have to offer any and every one who deems it necessary to puncture my world is forgiveness.

Perhaps, some will see this is as a weaker path in life. Yet still some may not understand how I can make such a bold decision. I make this choice because of a deeper understanding of life that I have acquired over the last few years that life is about love. Giving love, receiving love, spreading love, being love, not in love, but just love, in its purest and rarest form. The kind of love that has no agenda, no ego, nothing other than itself. I often strive to achieve that level of love in my meditations, and I know that the only way to do so is to relinquish anything I hold that is not of that love. The quickest way to a clean palate is forgiveness. It has the power to clear any road, reveal any path, remove any smudge.

So what is this kind of love? I have for brief moments, while deep in my meditations, touched on this eternal love, and it is radiating, beautiful and everywhere. It’s just waiting to be felt, to be captured, and to be experienced. The more you give into it, the deeper you feel it, and the more love you give, the greater the love you receive. That is why I choose to offer forgiveness. I am convinced that this world is about love. Our life is about love. Our very existence is about love. A pure love that flows in the form of energy and encompasses everything around it, without prejudice, without thought, and without hesitation.

10,774 Days

You are closer today
To who you want to be
Than if you wait until tomorrow
To start your life make over,
Cause tonight your life could
Change forever more
And then you’ll never know
If you could’ve been
All that you’d hoped for;

A moment can change
The rest of your life,
And any plans you’ve made
Will all be in strife,
Cause you might only have
10,774 days to live this way
And if you wait until you wake
On the morning of day 10,775,
You may find what’s waiting for you
Is a completely different kind of life.

So whatever your dream may be
And as crazy as it seems,
Whether it’s making movies,
Or backpacking through a thousand cities,
If you want to fall in love or learn to paint
Or dance on bars until you puke and faint
Just start taking your first steps toward it today,
And believe me when I say,
Don’t look back and don’t think twice,
This is your life and it won’t always be this nice.

If you wait long enough to live
You’ll run out of days to seize
Out of moments to freeze
And out of memories to make,
Cause no matter how fast
You think you can run,
You’ll either run out of steps
Or run out of road before you’re done.
So don’t wait for your 10,775th day to dawn,
Go out and start living your life on day one,
And you may have 10,000 days to do
All that I wish I could’ve done.